On My Utterly Deranged Views About Autism

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I’ve made a career out of saying the quiet part loud and the wrong part louder. But even I have to admit: when it comes to autism, I’ve gone completely off the rails.

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For years, I’ve clung to the idea that autism is a modern plague, a Big Pharma conspiracy cooked up to pump kids full of toxins and parents full of fear. I’ve called it a “tragedy,” a “disease,” even an “epidemic.” I spoke of autistic children as if they were cautionary tales, not people. Not humans. Just stats I could weaponize in a crusade for attention.

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Recently, I proposed a federal registry to track autistic individuals, because nothing says compassion like treating neurodivergent kids like convicted felons. And when called out, I doubled down, like the unvaccinated uncle at Thanksgiving who won't stop citing a blog from 2006.